Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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