I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
