so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
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she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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