ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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