she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
