I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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