So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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