Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
