I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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