everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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