dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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