I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
