I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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