If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
