fuck your aforementioned shoe
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
