So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
