All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
