u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
