I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I intend to get homeless drunk
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
