In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
