I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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