Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
