Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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