it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
