im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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