Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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