I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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