4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize