I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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