Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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