I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
