i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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