Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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