Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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