New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
