Swine flu. Run for my life!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
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unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
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I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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