Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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