The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
