Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
too bad you live with your parents still
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
