I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
