I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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