I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
