The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
