the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
