So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
