i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
