I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
