She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
