twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
he had hair everywhere except his balls
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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