He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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