I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so let's talk penis.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize