um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
