2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
