i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
