i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
My liver just had a heart attack.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
