he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
