Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
