i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
