We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
