What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
