from now on my penis is your penis
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
