Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
