I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
