wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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