Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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