I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
